For the good – I bought my car this weekend ! It’s a platinum grey Volkswagen Jetta TDI highline. I feel a little bad because it’s so much nicer than my parent’s car, but for me it’s equal parts luxury and fuel efficiency – and entirely MY own (which makes it that much better). It’s mine on paper, but should be coming in sometime this week.

It’s also kind of funny that of late shopping for work clothes has been a bonding thing my mom and I have been doing, and shopping and learning about cars have been something my dad and I have been able to do together. I know there are some days when I just *know* I’m too old to live at home, but there are others where I really enjoy feeling like a valued peer to my parents. After making me feel terrible when I was hoboing at home and “not doing anything”, they’re now telling me how proud they are and how if I work hard
this’ll just be the beginning.

So I’m shopping for car insurance now, but my car should be coming in a few days. Yaaaayyyyy I’m *so* excited.

That being said, I’m a terrible commuter. I dislike everything from figuring out the cryptic routes/schedules, to running/waiting for transit, to veing accosted by obnoxious strangers ON the transit itself. Just pretend you’re in a giant elevator and stare at the floor! I wear giant fuck off headphones for a reason!

I do feel bad because I know people who do it every day, and I’d like to save money and the earth and be friendly to random strangers – but it’s not really in the cards for me.

Mind you when I say commute I don’t mean hopping on the TTC (subway) and going a few stations. I mean spending half an hour to an hour waiting for and travelling on a bus, two subway lines, AND a regular train. As soon as my one-way daily commute could take me the same amount of time as getting to somewhere more interesting like Ottawa, I start getting grumpy.

I know there are those who know the city who wonder why I don’t just take the much closer bus-only route. Trust me folks, I’d much rather take a longer train route and get home sooner than spend twice as long waiting as the bus stops every street as it makes its way across two city’s length. I also know there are those who wonder why I work so far – well, it’s not that far. By car it can take 15-20min if the driving’s good. No more than 40 in rush hour traffic (all normal amounts for traffic in the gloriously sprawled GTA). Transit is just stupid if you don’t live centrally – and the farther out you go the stupider it gets.

Let me provide two examples (mind you I’ve only been working a week):

One:
I take the train (not subway) after a bus and two subway lines, BUT there’s a train station right next to work. I got excited and went there and hopped on the train after work thinking I’d saved myself a lot of trouble. Unfortunately I soon realized I was going the wrong way and was headed to Guelph instead of downtown. Boo. So I get off and try to take the opposing train back. Except there’s none *-.- One way trains depending on the time of day. Needless to say I was stranded and had to get my dad to cart out to pick me up. So yes you can laugh that I got lost on a transit system as simple as a two way train, but there were others stranded there as well!

Two:
On the train (which is a great deal less sketchy than the subway) the other day, I had an old man sit down on the outside seat (blocking me in), clearly drunk out of his wits, and determined to bother me. The constant talking I could humor, I’m a nice person. He pushed over the line when he kept saying really loudly how this one gangsta looking guy was gonna knife him. Which was clearly pissing off said guy (who didn’t look like he was at all violent). What bothered me even more was that he kept embarassing me by loudly trying to guess what “turned me on” by pointing at people sitting around us. He even tried to touch my knee, and asked my name and my stop (all of which were quickly ignored/deflected).

Now I know you’re either thinking “well you should’ve got up and left” or “stay away from the crazies” or even “you’re clearly overreacting” – but here’s the problem: I was sitting down first and he sat beside me, hemming me in. To get out I would’ve had to jump over his legs. I was clearly being bothered by this guy, but no one on a train full of people even made eye contact let alone tried to help. Some people even laughed like “hey this is just normal transit fare, just deal with it”. This was not a day ruiner – I felt exposed and unsafe. It makes my skin crawl to think about it.

I know not every day is like that on transit. There are plenty of babies that grin and babble, and friendly people who strike up conversations – but I don’t seem to have luck with avoiding crazy situations, and the last thing I want is getting dumped in some remote location, unable to get home, with a crazy man harassing me while the public pretends not to notice.

Transit sucks.

My first day was spent mostly being given the grand tour and being introduced to people as “the new [former coworker]“, which everyone laughed at including me. That and doing training on how to use the new fanschy-smanschy printer/copier/fax/everything else machines that just came in that day. I found it funny that I felt more comfortable with the features than some people who had been there ages and just pushed buttons until something happened :p

There’s a lot of work – and a lot of new information to remember – but I’m taking it in stride and with a great deal of anticipation because what it means is that even if I end up doing data monkey work, it’s autonomous data monkey work that no one else is doing or able to do without training (to become familiar with it). That sense of valued contribution will certainly be appreciated after my last job, where we were clearly replaceable data monkeys.

I have my own little office and desk, and with the exception of the first little while, will mostly be managing my own schedule and projects.

I have to say though, after two months of bumming around my parents’ house, waking up early enough to get ready and get into work is HARD. But since that was expected I guess my only real complaint is ZOMG lots of transit. I know that after zeroing out my bank account just days before starting my new job I should be saving but my first project? Get a car! And now that my dad has taken me into showrooms and I’ve priced the cars (still have to price insurance) I’m so ridiculously excited that I’m like a kid waiting for Christmas.

So, update on life: still ridiculously excited!

I just got the call that I got the job! A real job with a real salary! I can buy my first car and move out of my parents’ house into my first real apartment!

And it’s a job that’s such a perfect fit! I’m going to be an administrative/marketing assistant, getting paid *really* decently, while getting to use all the skills I’ve gained (including my web/graphic design skills). Plus it’s in a healthcare centre dedicated to improving quality of life! Which is in my field and so close to my heart.

I’m so excited! I start Thursday!!

*GLEE!!!!*

The process itself is both satisfying and disappointing. I would spend every morning sending out a whack of resumes and tailored cover letters (which takes quite a bit of time), and at the end of it you feel really uplifted. Stepping back, taking stock of your achievements and highlighting the best parts of what makes you YOU is *really* uplifting. At the same time, with the job market being the way it is, the majority of resumes sent out don’t get you anywhere. And that’s not the greatest feeling.

So yeah, once in a while, when the stress of it all gets to me, and I’ve been hearing “Krislyn can do that, she’s at home doing nothing” for two months, the littlest insinuation (joke or not) can set me off. And yes the previously mentioned friend recognized the reference to their comment and apologized, but by then I was over it and was more than happy to put it past.

I also got a job interview for a job that would actually use all my past experience involving health + administration + graphic design. It sounds absolutely perfect! The interview went really well, and they said the portfolio pieces I produced just for the interview were great and showed great initiative. I’ve got a second interview today (in two hours!) and hopefully I’ll get some good news sometime next week!

Needless to say, if jobs were given out based on how badly a person wanted it – I would have this one in the bag :p

And for those of us “adults” who are scrambling about trying to be the people we’re supposed to be, here’s a laugh and a half to brighten your day

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

For example, you don’t really need to hear a dozen people telling you how bad the economic situation and unemployment is every hour on the hour – because like me, you may be one of the thousands of people experiencing it first hand.

Not to complain of course, I’m not trying to raise a family on EI benefits, but I am a recent grad who’s getting more than a little discouraged by how difficult this whole “searching for a real job” process is.

Last year I was sort of “unofficially” on a hiring committee of sorts, looking at a slew of resumes and trying to pick out a future coworker that wouldn’t be dead weight on our already overworked team. For one spot you get hundreds of applications, most of which have nothing to do with anything. So I know something about the realities of the hiring process.

That being said, I found my interview today to be completely disheartening. I’m looking to get into a healthcare job, ideally working in some aspect of a health promotion or administration program, but while I’m looking for that I wouldn’t mind earning some pocket money at a retail location or something.

The interview started with the interviewer informing me – before I even sat down – that she had a week’s worth of applicants to go through and not all were real candidates. Meaning me? Then she asked if I had sales experience. Fair enough – I don’t and I knew that was a weak point for my application. I tried to do that thing where you spin past experience to be relevant, but they got stuck on that: “NO selling ever? Not even a McDonald’s?”. I don’t know who said McDonald’s/fast food was a rite of passage, but I’ve always been lucky enough to hold relevant jobs. Whatever. I did have a problem when the looked at my job experience as a Summer Camp counsellor for kids with disabilities and scoffed “Why would you do THAT?”. Okaaaay… I think that shows strength of character and some of my most memorable job experiences are from that job. And honestly, I’d take that over retail anyday. She ended with “I may call you, but there are so many applicants” in a way that seemed a little self-important.

I don’t mind not being the right applicant, but she didn’t even bother to pull out my resume, which I had given her another copy of – to put a name to the face until we were almost done.

I think the worst thing about being unemployed is the way people suddenly treat your time as if it was worth dirt. I’m happy to be the one going out of my way to run errands or accommodate meeting up with you, but it is not my DUTY to do so. That is me just being a nice person, so being angry and critical when I have to prioritize something over you is not only unappreciated but outright rude.

I want to – strike that, NEED to – have somewhere to go; to spend my time, to earn some money, to have my own space so that people can’t keep laying claim to my time and life. Unemployment is making me feel less and less like my own person, and rather like some parasite on everyone else’s life. Even though nothing’s really changed.

Oh, and by the way, no amount of friendship really erases it when you say things like “I don’t want to, you do it, you’re doing nothing and being uselessly unemployed.”. Especially after I just confided to you how much it sucks. Friendship goes a long, long way, but you’ve got to be aware that it doesn’t blind me to the fact that you’re being completely rude and inconsiderate.

I need a break from people, and I’d like to do it by going to work.

I hate to say it, but of late I’ve had a hard time putting my faith in the medical community, specifically doctors.

Part of it has to do with the fact that I just finished four years of studying health sciences – most of which followed the pre-med stream. I took classes with some amazing people, who are so passionate about medicine that I would feel honoured to be treated by them. Unfortunately this was not the majority of students I’ve come across. There are a few of these other types: the cold fish – who sees the facts and figures but are so far out of touch with the human experience that it’s borderline creepy, the networker – not especially brilliant or talented but is able to easily create and maintain connections with important people who will write them lovely references, the mark grubber – who is usually an average student who will beg and whine and plead for every grade they get to be bumped up. These last ones are especially irritating as they usually take easy, but unrelated courses for easy marks, and the marks they get aren’t really representative of their abilities.

Overall I find myself extremely unimpressed with some people I personally know that managed to get into med schools, and that reflects a bit poorly on my expectations on a good deal of the profession.

The other perhaps more important reason for my loss of faith is actually going to doctors of late. It took them 8 years of telling me that my pain was ordinary, and in my head, and just take a Tylenol, before I collapsed and ended up in the emergency room and they discovered oh no, the pain was actually due to internal bleeding and scarring and the fact that I had three cysts the size of baseballs in my abdomen. The “in your head” attitude was definitely worse than having to have surgery and lose a month of school.

Recently my brother lost his appetite and started having abdominal pain. Severe abdominal pain, to the point where he couldn’t eat anything because he’d end up doubled up on the floor in pain. He was told it was stress, and that if he just relaxed and handled stress better it would go away. In short, it was all in his head. He dropped down to 75lbs, which for a 17 year old boy made him look like a prison camp survivor. For someone who only watches the food network, and loves to cook and eat, this was near torture. We took him to several doctors, but were never referred to a specialist and were told he should be able to eat anything. But it was all in his head. Then after 8 months of near starvation he collapsed, and was rushed to the hospital with a fever, malnourished, and in severe pain requiring morphine.

So finally he has a diagnosis of Crohn’s disease, an autoimmune disease where the body attack the GI tract and makes it swell shut. It wasn’t in his head, but did it really have to go that far before they were willing to believe something was wrong?

Not to mention that he started treatment this weekend – a treatment which worked by shutting down his nervous system. Unfortunately after only a few minutes he started seizuring and was rushed to the hospital.

He’s ok now, but we’re just getting incredibly frustrated. Either act like it’s nothing and it has an easy solution you can handle OR take it seriously and stop acting dismissively.

That would make the whole idea of dealing with doctors feel less futile and depressing.

I don’t think I ever felt tied to my things as a child. Sure there were those things I placed sentimental value on, but when I moved away and wasn’t able to take a good 90% of my things, I realized I didn’t miss them. But it was when I started buying things for my apartment in Ottawa that I realized I was thinking differently about them.

Having my own appliances and small things like buying my own shelves or shower curtain – these were all support things my parents had, and having my own felt like it was declaring I was my own adult living independantly. It was even better if I had to save up and buy it myself.

Now I’m thinking about buying my first car and moving into my first real (non-college) apartment, all supported fully by my own job and not my parents’. I’m starting to feel like these are the things that are officially making me an adult.

The reason I suddenly became aware of all this was that my brother is starting a new medical treatment which will suppress his immune system, so we have to go all out and keep absolutely everything in our house sterilized at all times. Which is a task that’s nearly impossible when you have four adult lives worth of things to keep clean. So we’re doing a bit of a purge of stuff… and not all of us are taking it so well. To be fair, we all have moments of slowing up the process, but sometimes you work with simple criteria: 1. How long ago has it been since you used that (5-10 years?! Really?!), and 2. Do we really need that?

Did I mention we had to do all this in a week? *goes back to impossible task of cleaning*

1. Get a real job – not a summer or student job
2. Get an apartment – preferably with a friend, preferably not in Sauga, if necessary on my own IN Sauga temporarily
3. Get a car – something small, could be used, doesn’t need to be flashy
4. Reapply to grad school once I’ve got some experience under my belt
5. Get in shape – something that doesn’t necessarily bother me unless I’m meeting new people with my friends, or shopping for clothes
6. Start a graphic novel collection – Sandman, Fables, Maus, Y The Last Man, are all on it (and a few others)
7. Get a pet – a dog would be ideal (I like hunting type dogs), but if I can’t give a dog the attention it needs, then a bunny
8. Travel – I want to and WILL roadtrip across Canada and parts of Europe at some point
9. Meet someone special – what can I say, it’s on there

Hm. Not exhaustive, but it’s nice to have goals, tangible goals. I think that list so far is almost in order of ease of attainability :p. There’s more, but hey, I’ve got a lifetime to dream up and accomplish this list… and it’s always curious to see what life throws at you anyways.